I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
