I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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