Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize