Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
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There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
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I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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