I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
