Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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