i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
