I showed him my bush... on skype.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
