i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
