fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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