just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
