i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
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