he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
