I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
