Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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