Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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