4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
