highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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