Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
