Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
