Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize