You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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