I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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