She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
