I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
