Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
