Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
