Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
why do cheetos always look like penises
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
