smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
