I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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