Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
