Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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