I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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