I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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