what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
