and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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