Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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