I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
