In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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