I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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