told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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