My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I love you.
Bad choice
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