At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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