we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
