You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
