Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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