That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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