Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
this beer tastes like vomit already
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
