my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
