I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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