I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
