Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
