so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
What a dumb baby whore.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Randomize
