i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
