I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
