It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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