I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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