I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
