my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
