I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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