he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
