apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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