how can u be prego again
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
