Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
