Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
