then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
