i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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