arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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