Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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