I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
