Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
