I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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