Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
