You just made me feel so damn special
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
