I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
