im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
