I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It's not a walk of shame if you run
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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